Yeah, screw that.
Official Proclamation #175
I proclaim "No Time For Later" to be a blog that has some poetry in it.
I don't feel like writing poetry today.
When we were kids, we used to do interesting things to each other, some of which I will describe here, but none of which I actually expect anyone else to understand or even find amusing.
The first of these things was "Flounder." As a kid, I discovered dead weight and decided to use it to my advantage. Picture the following: You're completely engrossed in something that takes all of your concentration. You're still a kid, so you're pretty weak. You have a mischievous brother who looks upon moments in which you're completely engrossed and concentrating as golden moments of opportunity. Your brother sits down next to you, eyes you sideways, leans away from you and tilts his head towards you. He sits there like that for several seconds, knowing that you're engrossed and do not see his warning posture. Suddenly he bursts into the air, yelling "FLOUNDER!!!!!!", and allows himself to fall on top of you sideways where he remains completely limp and nothing but dead weight. This is known as "Flounder."
The second and more popular thing I will relate today is "Muff." I have to give credit to The Mysterious Lubba D
for coming up with this gem. There aren't many minds out there that are twisted enough to come up with something like this, but as evidenced by The Great Play-Doh Incident of 1978
, my sisters' mind is. "Muff" is best performed on an unsuspecting victim. In fact, "Muff" should only be performed on an unsuspecting victim or your chances of successfully completing a "Muff" are diminished greatly. Generally, the best time to "Muff" someone is during your regularly scheduled television programming. To perfom a "Muff," you'll need a pillow and a sofa. The pillow must be a decorative, fairly hard (as pillows go) pillow, generally found on sofas and couches. The key point of using such a pillow is that it is small and hard. Second, you must be sitting next to your victim on a couch or sofa (as only this type of furniture allows you to be in the proximity of the victim that you will need to be in), but the victim cannot know that you have the pillow in hand, so just having it in reach upon sitting down is usually the best idea. To perform the "Muff," wait until your victim is sufficiently zoned out on the television. Slowly, so as not to alert the victim that something is amiss, get a good firm grip on your pillow. Then, as if it were out of nowhere, gleefully yell "MUFF!!!!" and smack the victim as hard as you can in the face with your pillow. You must be mentally prepared, because there is no doubt a fight with your victim will ensue. It also helps if you are five years older than your victim because then your victim will not be able to get his revenge until much later in life. Usually your victim will have forgotten these things by then, and won't blog about it or anything, so don't worry about revenge.